Week In Review

Although my scale didn't show it this morning, I'm recording a loss for the week.  It's a small one, only .4 pounds, but since the scale hasn't been budging lately, I'm still happy about it.  The reason I'm still counting it is because as of a few days ago, that's where I was.  Then Mother Nature reared her ugly head.  I can't fight Mother Nature, but I'm also not accepting what I saw this morning as accurate.  So, for the first time in a long time, I can say I lost a little this week.  Now if only someone could have kept Mother Nature from happening when the leftover Halloween candy was available, my life would be so much easier!  I hope you guys have a great week!

Week In Review

Weight wise, this week was not eventful at all.  I did a whole lot of nothing.  So, my goal for this week is to get back to tracking my food and counting calories every day.  It's worked in the past, so I'm sure that's what I need to do to kick start my weight loss again.

I did, however, have a kick ass workout that I want to brag about.  After a week of having to cancel my sessions because I couldn't sleep and wasn't able to wake up at 5:00 a.m., I had a make-up training session yesterday.  Let me back-up a minute to say that my ego took a little hit on Friday morning, so I was determined to work hard at my training.  And, I did.  I rocked out 3 sets of 15 of everything he threw at me.

When it came time to do my dead lifts, we started out "light" at 95 pounds and I did my first set of 15.  He threw on another 10 pounds and I did my second set of 15.  He then asked if I wanted more weight thrown on.  Before I had time to think about it, I told him yes.  On went another 10 pounds... 115 lbs. in all.  That's the most I've ever dead lifted.  It was heavy and I made sure he was very close in case I couldn't lift it.  But, I did!  And I did 15 more dead lifts.  Then we went on to planks...

I'm holding my plank for a while when he tells me I can stop.  I don't know how long it was, but he started counting down "5... 4... 3... 2... 1..." But, I told him I had more.  I could keep going.  So, I did.  He adjusts my position a little bit to make it a little more difficult, then he watches the clock.  "That's a minute. Do you have more?"  Yep, I've got more.  I hold it for another 12 seconds before my knees hit the ground.  I'm not positive, but I don't think I've ever held a plank for over a minute before.  Although he was impressed by how long I held it, he determined that it was too easy.  So, my next one was more difficult.  My feet were no longer on the ground, they were on a barbell with weights, so it was not at all stable.  Not only was it unstable, but after a few seconds, I feel him pulling backwards on the bar.  So, not only am I having to hold my plank, I'm having to fight to keep my form as he's slowly pulling it away from me.  Needless to say, I didn't hold that for quite as long!  I do one more of those to finish off the session.

Now, it's not very often that I feel proud about something like that.  I normally assume that if I can do it, anyone can do it.  But yesterday, I was damn proud! That's stuff I'd never done before.  I left that session feeling super pumped and I can't wait until tomorrow morning to try it again!  I hope everyone else has a fabulous week!

(Long Overdue) Week In Review

Time to make some changes.

I've spent the last 7 weeks with my scale (mostly) in the closet, so I've been forced to rely on non-scale progress to keep me going.  And, luckily, it's been working.  I've noticed subtle changes ~ including a new size 10 jean! :-) ~ and I've been happy with that.  However, after stepping on the scale this morning, I'm not too thrilled to see that the number hasn't changed.  I'm exactly where I was 3 weeks ago.  Nothing more... but nothing less.  I should be happy, but losing weight is still my ultimate goal. So, I've decided that it's time to get back to the weekly weigh-ins.  I'm obviously doing enough that I'm maintaining where I am and I'm not gaining anything.  But, what I really want to do is lose a little more weight.
I'm hoping that getting back to my weekly weigh-ins is just what I need to get the job done.

Aside from my weight not budging for the last month or so, my scale-free experiment has been very good for me.  I've managed to re-program my brain so that I don't need to constantly step on the scale.  I've seen first-hand that physical changes can still occur even when your weight doesn't move.  I've also learned that I need the accountability of weekly weight checks.  I've talked to my trainer about this latest plateau, and we've switched up my cardio a bit to hopefully kick my weight loss back into gear.  I'm looking forward to seeing if this helps.  I hope everyone has a great week!

Knockin' Knees

I just had an interesting thing happen...  I was walking up the stairs in my house and I felt my knees bang together.  I can honestly say that I've never felt my knees knock before.  Now, my thighs have rubbed together for years, but my knees, not so much!

Someone who has never struggled with their weight probably won't get excited about this.  However, I'm assuming that if you're reading this, you have struggled with weight at some point like I have.  So, you'll understand that this is actually a huge deal!  If my knees can now touch when I walk up the stairs, it means that there is much less of my thigh getting in the way.  Just another reminder that it's not always the number on the scale that indicates progress.

10

A little over a month ago, I tried to squeeze my hiney into a size 10 jean.  If you'd like, you can read about it here... Anyway, I tried on another pair during a shopping trip to Target this week.  Much to my delight, they fit!  And they fit well!  So, naturally I bought them. :-)  Just to make sure it wasn't a fluke, I drove over to my local Old Navy and grabbed a pair of size 10's off their shelf as well.  Success!  So, I bought those too! :-)

While wearing a size 10 is very exciting, the number 10 is significant for another reason... It's been longer than that since I've been able to wear that size.  I haven't put on a size 10 pair of jeans since before I became pregnant with my son.  That was over 10 (nearly 11) years ago.  Needless to say, I'm geeked! This process has been slow.  Painfully slow at times.  But, it's working.  Slowly but surely, the weight is coming off.  The numbers on the scale, and on my tags, are getting smaller and the amount of weight I'm able to lift and squat, is getting larger.  It's getting fun again!

No-Scale September

No-Scale September has come to an end.  If I'm being honest, I caved twice over the month. But, compared to stepping on it multiple times a day, I'm pretty proud that I only pulled it out twice! Anyway, I ended up losing the 3 annoying pounds that I had put on previously.  So, I'm officially back down to my 35 pound mark.

Despite my 2 moments of weakness, I think No-Scale September was a success.  In fact, it was easier than I thought.  Without my scale, I was able to just focus on my food and my workouts.  It was actually pretty freeing. I could pay attention to how my clothes felt instead of paying attention to the scale day in and day out.  I could work on other issues going on in my head instead of worrying if my weight was going up or down every day.  It was nice.  And, it's something I'm going to continue.  For the first time in years, I'm not chained to a scale. Here's looking forward to No-Scale October!

Unchartered Territory

I had an incident happen that left me feeling a little hurt and a little judged.  I don't think it was done intentionally, it's just the way I felt.  Unfortunately, I'm left trying to figure out how to deal with it.

I really hate being compared to someone else, which is what happened.  I hate feeling like my best effort isn't good enough. And again, while I don't think it was intentional, it left me feeling sad and inadequate.  Totally my issues to sort out, but I don't know how.

Truth be told, what I really want to do is quit.  I want to stop going to this class.  I want to quit my training.  I want to leave the gym.  I want to just fade into the woodwork where I'm comfortable.  I want to "punish" the person who made me feel judged by eating everything in sight.  This is how I know to deal with things.  I run away from uncomfortable feelings.  I take myself completely out of a situation and I avoid going back.  And to some extent, it works.  Until it doesn't.

Inevitably, if I quit, I lose whatever progress I've made.  I know that I'll gain back each and every pound, and then some.  I also know that the muscles I've worked so hard to tone, will slowly fade away.  This will leave me even more upset, which will probably cause me to withdraw, and eat, even more.  So, despite everything I wanted to do, I went back to the gym.  I have my husband to thank for that because he truly had to convince me to go.

Here's where the "uncharted territory" comes in...  Because I didn't quit like I usually do, I don't exactly know where to go from here.  I don't think these feelings are going away anytime soon.  I've had nearly a lifetime of feeling this way, so it's going to take a while to un-think those thoughts.  But, it doesn't make it any easier.  Frankly, it's kind of exhausting to keep having this same fight with myself.  That's why it's so much easier to just accept that I'm not good enough and stop trying.  Stop trying to be something that I don't feel that I am.

But, like I said, I'm not going to do that.  I drug my butt to my training session this morning.  I didn't want to be there and it was very awkward as I didn't say more than 5 words to my trainer the entire time.  But, I was there nonetheless.  I kept going.  Eventually I'll work through this.  Hopefully I'll get to the point where I feel like I've done my best and stop comparing myself to other people.  Eventually.