For quite a while now, I've been using the website fitday.com to help me track my weight, my calories, my exercise, everything. And, for the most part I've been successful. Whatever set-backs I've had have had nothing to do with that website. Any set-back I've had if from my lack of trying.
Well, yesterday I was talking to a friend of mine and she mentioned another site that I might want to try. So I checked it out yesterday to see if I wanted to switch things up a bit. The site is loseit.com . It's got a couple of features that the other one doesn't have. First, it has some cute graphics. Clearly not the most important thing as far as losing weight, but if it entertains me, it will hold my interest a lot longer! Secondly, you have the ability to have "friends" that you can follow and encourage. They won't ever know your actual weight (which is fine by me!) but they can see how you're doing. Since I decided to put my efforts all out there in this blog, I definitely like the idea of being able to follow and encourage others. :-) So, as good as fitday.com has been to me, I think I might give loseit.com a try. I'm all for changing things up to keep them interesting. If anyone is already on there or would like to join with me, please leave a comment and we'll get hooked up!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Opening Old Wounds
This whole deal with not wanting to do that fitness test on Friday has really thrown me for a loop. The whole situation had me feeling feelings that I hadn't felt in years. Feelings that I thought I'd long gotten over. Feelings that made me question the confidence that I thought I had. And, I really don't like it.
In the grand scheme of life, it was just a fitness test. But when something like that instantly takes you back to being the fat kid in high school gym class, it is clearly something more. The scary thing is that I really don't know why I felt that way. It might have been the fear of being judged. It might have been the fear of failing. It might have been a fear of being the center of attention. I'm guessing that it was a combination of all those things and probably more.
I just can't let this get me side-tracked. I have to re-convince myself that I'm not that fat girl in high school anymore. I'm working really hard to improve my health and I've made a lot of progress the last few years. No one is there to judge me. Even if I fail, at least I can say I tried. While I might have had a short, painful trip down memory lane, I need to keep my eyes on the prize and stay in the present. If I allow the feelings from my past to invade my present, they're going to continue to haunt me in the future.
In the grand scheme of life, it was just a fitness test. But when something like that instantly takes you back to being the fat kid in high school gym class, it is clearly something more. The scary thing is that I really don't know why I felt that way. It might have been the fear of being judged. It might have been the fear of failing. It might have been a fear of being the center of attention. I'm guessing that it was a combination of all those things and probably more.
I just can't let this get me side-tracked. I have to re-convince myself that I'm not that fat girl in high school anymore. I'm working really hard to improve my health and I've made a lot of progress the last few years. No one is there to judge me. Even if I fail, at least I can say I tried. While I might have had a short, painful trip down memory lane, I need to keep my eyes on the prize and stay in the present. If I allow the feelings from my past to invade my present, they're going to continue to haunt me in the future.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Facing My Fears
I have another confession to make... I'm kind of a pain in the ass! I don't mean to be. In fact, the episode that I'm thinking of was done purely out of fear. Fear of failure to be exact.
I had mentioned that after a rowing class, we plugged in numbers and I came up less than poor in my effort, yada, yada, yada. I also mentioned that we were insured by the instructor that the site was wrong and that in fact our efforts were very good. I actually had a meeting scheduled with the trainer so that he could re-evaluate things. I show up for the appointment fully expecting to plug some numbers into a different program and have the results spit out within a few minutes. No problem.
When I get there for my evaluation, he clicks the mouse on the computer to start the program. I'm then asked if I hear the beat on the computer. I do. I'm then asked if I see the step in front of me. I did, but I got a little feisty asking what in the heck the step had to do with the rowing challenge! Well, I put two and two together as I'm told I had to step on the step, keeping the beat from the computer. This will last about 3 minutes, then my heartbeat will be taken and we'll go from there. Really? Because all I wanted to do was plug in some numbers and go about my business. I didn't want any part of doing an activity and then have to be judged on it again! So I said that I really had no desire to do it. He really did try to talk me into it. He tried to tell me that with all the rowing, spinning and step I do, my evaluation should be really good and I can see how much progress I've made. I still wasn't convinced, so I didn't do it. I joked around a little bit, then left the fitness office.
Looking back now, I feel bad about it. The trainer stayed there specifically to do this test with me to help build my confidence. Instead, I let the fear of failure get the best of me. I was so worried that I'd "fail" the test or have rotten numbers. I was afraid I'd find out that all my hard work hadn't done any good and I was still horribly out of shape. I wasted his time, which was very selfish.
So, I've decided to bite the bullet and do it. I'll start off with a necessary apology. I'm then going to come clean and fess up to the fact that I was scared. I don't know how on earth I expect myself to be able to train with a trainer when I can't even do this simple thing in front of one! I need to stop thinking that I'm going to be judged by someone more physically fit than I am. Those trainers are there to help me, not judge me. I swear, I felt like I was back in high school and the skinny girls were watching the rest of us exercise! Not at all what was happening, but that's so how I felt.
So, despite the ridiculous butterflies that will be in my stomach, I'm going to pull up my big-girl panties and take the test. Fear won't get in my way again!
I had mentioned that after a rowing class, we plugged in numbers and I came up less than poor in my effort, yada, yada, yada. I also mentioned that we were insured by the instructor that the site was wrong and that in fact our efforts were very good. I actually had a meeting scheduled with the trainer so that he could re-evaluate things. I show up for the appointment fully expecting to plug some numbers into a different program and have the results spit out within a few minutes. No problem.
When I get there for my evaluation, he clicks the mouse on the computer to start the program. I'm then asked if I hear the beat on the computer. I do. I'm then asked if I see the step in front of me. I did, but I got a little feisty asking what in the heck the step had to do with the rowing challenge! Well, I put two and two together as I'm told I had to step on the step, keeping the beat from the computer. This will last about 3 minutes, then my heartbeat will be taken and we'll go from there. Really? Because all I wanted to do was plug in some numbers and go about my business. I didn't want any part of doing an activity and then have to be judged on it again! So I said that I really had no desire to do it. He really did try to talk me into it. He tried to tell me that with all the rowing, spinning and step I do, my evaluation should be really good and I can see how much progress I've made. I still wasn't convinced, so I didn't do it. I joked around a little bit, then left the fitness office.
Looking back now, I feel bad about it. The trainer stayed there specifically to do this test with me to help build my confidence. Instead, I let the fear of failure get the best of me. I was so worried that I'd "fail" the test or have rotten numbers. I was afraid I'd find out that all my hard work hadn't done any good and I was still horribly out of shape. I wasted his time, which was very selfish.
So, I've decided to bite the bullet and do it. I'll start off with a necessary apology. I'm then going to come clean and fess up to the fact that I was scared. I don't know how on earth I expect myself to be able to train with a trainer when I can't even do this simple thing in front of one! I need to stop thinking that I'm going to be judged by someone more physically fit than I am. Those trainers are there to help me, not judge me. I swear, I felt like I was back in high school and the skinny girls were watching the rest of us exercise! Not at all what was happening, but that's so how I felt.
So, despite the ridiculous butterflies that will be in my stomach, I'm going to pull up my big-girl panties and take the test. Fear won't get in my way again!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Yeah For Me!
I'm going to toot my own horn for a minute. I went out to dinner with some friends this evening and I actually didn't overdo it. In fact, I ordered downright healthy! Baked fish and seasonal veggies. Not too shabby! ;-) Now, I should confess that I did have a martini. But, I think that baked fish and veggies more than make up for whatever calories were in that drink. Today was a success, bring on tomorrow!
Monday, July 18, 2011
Back To Basics
Here we go again... I'm afraid that I'm coming across as a broken record right now. I'm pretty sure I'm going to blog about something that I've been saying for several weeks now. But, since we're all in this together, here goes... I need to get back to basics, again. I've got to do something to get my eating under control.
The thing is, I'm not eating horribly. I'm still just not eating to lose weight. I'm pretty sure the problem is a lack of keeping a food journal. Why is that so important? Frankly, I have no idea. But, I know that it is. For the last several months, I've tried to just keep a mental idea of what I'm eating. To quote Dr. Phil, "How's that workin' for ya'?" Well, clearly it isn't! So, it's back to basics. I'm going back to keeping track of everything I'm eating, keeping track of the calories I burn working out and tracking my weight every day to see my progress.
I've done this all before, as I'm sure many of you have. So, why will this time be different? I don't know that it will, but I'm hopeful. I have to remain hopeful, otherwise I'm bound to just give up. Giving up isn't an option because I'll be damned if I gain back everything I've lost to this point! So, as much as I really don't want to do it, I'm back to basics. Back to what I know will work. Back to being vigilant about my eating. Here's hoping it pays off!
The thing is, I'm not eating horribly. I'm still just not eating to lose weight. I'm pretty sure the problem is a lack of keeping a food journal. Why is that so important? Frankly, I have no idea. But, I know that it is. For the last several months, I've tried to just keep a mental idea of what I'm eating. To quote Dr. Phil, "How's that workin' for ya'?" Well, clearly it isn't! So, it's back to basics. I'm going back to keeping track of everything I'm eating, keeping track of the calories I burn working out and tracking my weight every day to see my progress.
I've done this all before, as I'm sure many of you have. So, why will this time be different? I don't know that it will, but I'm hopeful. I have to remain hopeful, otherwise I'm bound to just give up. Giving up isn't an option because I'll be damned if I gain back everything I've lost to this point! So, as much as I really don't want to do it, I'm back to basics. Back to what I know will work. Back to being vigilant about my eating. Here's hoping it pays off!
Sunday, July 17, 2011
The Week In Review
Although the scale didn't show any progress this week, I'm claiming a moral victory for myself. There is a dress that has been in my closet for years. Lots and lots of years. Anyway, I pull it out every once in a while to see if I can comfortably wear it yet. I've been able to get it on for a long time, but it's been uncomfortable. Particularly in the stomach region. I've tried it on for different occasions lately but it still didn't fit right. Yesterday I put it on wondering if I could wear it to a wedding. Finally, success!! It fit right. It fit comfortably. Score one for moral victories!
Friday, July 15, 2011
Better Than I Thought
I'm happy to report that my rowing efforts were NOT less than poor! Evidently the instructor tried to catch me yesterday after class, but I was in a hurry and scooted out of there pretty quickly. Anyway, he ended up sending an e-mail to the contact on the website because he didn't think our numbers were right either. As it turns out, he had entered our (mine and another woman) information as men. Well no wonder! I expect that my effort might be registered less than a man of my same age. The website admin also said that they were having some glitches with it, so any information we got from it might not be completely accurate.
I knew I wasn't less than poor!
In other news, I decided to challenge myself a little this morning. After a 30 minute rowing class, I went straight to my spin class for 45 minutes. My legs are now officially jell-o!
I knew I wasn't less than poor!
In other news, I decided to challenge myself a little this morning. After a 30 minute rowing class, I went straight to my spin class for 45 minutes. My legs are now officially jell-o!
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