Week In Review

I ended up gaining a pound this week. :-(  Not happy about it, but I'm over it.  I'm sure it's because I really was rotten about tracking my food.  Hopefully it will be a quick turn around and I'll be back down this week.

I feel like it's been a little while since I had a workout to write home about.  Well, today was one of them.  I always love when we leave the weight room and do something different.  Today we grabbed the boxing gloves and I hit the punching bag for a while.  We also grabbed a jump rope.  Something I haven't done in years!  I also got a break from the 70 pound kettle bell and just did good old, plain squats.  Those 3 activities, done one  after the other for 30 minutes.  Probably one of the best, most fun workouts I've had in a while!  I hope everyone has a great week!

Another Personal Best

We're still doing sprints in my rowing class.  Up until a couple weeks ago, my personal best time had been 1:44/500 meters.  Last week, I hit 1:40, and I felt like I hauled ass!  So, naturally, the next step is to break that time.  I wanted to hit 1:39.  Well, I didn't hit it yesterday.  I was really close, but couldn't quite get there.  I didn't hit it in the first 2 sprints today either.  But, I asked to do one more.  I was only 1 second off and it killed me.  So, I did another sprint.  And, I hit it!  1:39/500 meters.

Periodically I ask myself why I'm still blogging.  Some days I have something to say, but others I really don't.  However, today was the reason I'm still here.  I was able to go back and compare my personal best from a few months ago to see the progress I've made.  I could see, in black and white, in my own words, that my best today is 10 seconds faster than my best from a few months ago.  That's what will keep me going.

Invisible

As I do every Tuesday evening, I watched The Biggest Loser a couple days ago.  Like I've mentioned before, as much as I enjoy seeing the huge weight loss, I'm equally interested in the emotional hurdles they have to overcome.  This week's episode had a small segment about a contestant named Christine.

I had never really identified with her until this episode.  But, something she said just struck a nerve in me.  At one point she had locked herself in the bathroom, crying.  She wanted to go home because she couldn't do it any more.  That's not where I identified with her.  It was her conversation with her trainer, Bob, that hit home for me.  She had made a comment about spending the last 42 years being invisible.  She was comfortable with the walls she had built up and being invisible was comforting to her. However, through the coarse of her time on the ranch, her walls were being torn down by others.  She wasn't ready to let them down, but they came down nonetheless.

As someone who has struggled with weight for most of my life, I too was comfortable being invisible.  Meaning, if I have the choice to be in the front row or the back row, I'll choose the back.  In my classes at the gym, still, I choose the back row because the instructor can't see me as well.  Why?  I'm really not sure. I just feel "safer" that way.  If they can't see the effort I'm putting in, they can't be disappointed with what they're seeing.

But, when you're working with someone one on one, like a trainer, you can't blend in.  You can't choose the back row.  You don't have the option of being invisible. And, it's terrifying.  As I've discussed in earlier posts, the walls I had so nicely built up over the years, came crumbling down before my eyes.  The problem was... I wasn't ready for it.  If those walls had to come down, I wanted it to be in my time, with my rules.  But, it didn't work for me and it didn't work for Christine either. It's very scary.

However, it's necessary.  And looking back, I'm glad it happened for me.  Watching your walls crumble and allowing someone to focus on you can be a very scary thing.  But, once it's happened, what starts off as a breakdown quickly turns into a breakthrough.  I'm definitely rooting for her!

Stepping Back

I've been blessed with a lot of wonderful things in my life.  My knees are not one of them.  I've had knee problems since I was in 2nd or 3rd grade.  It never stopped me, but it sure has slowed me down.  I was the high school soccer player who constantly wore a knee brace.  The same goes for the intramural league I played in college.  Back in 2000 it all caught up to me and I had knee surgery.  The knee felt good for a long time.  And, when it didn't feel good, I modified what I was doing until it felt good again.  That's where I find myself lately.

I really enjoy my step class at the gym.  That's actually the first group class I took there.  I really like the instructor and have made some good friends in that class. My knee however, it's not as happy in that class.  The constant impact of the step has finally taken its toll.  I'm having shooting pains every time I step on the step.  So, I'm afraid it's time to stop stepping.

Luckily, there are lots of other things I can do that don't bother my knee at all... spinning, rowing, elliptical, walking the track. So, for the time being I'm going to become a permanent fixture in a lot more spinning classes.  Just like when I was a kid, this stupid knee might slow me down, but for now it's not stopping me!

Week In Review

Well, despite a rocky start, I ended up losing .4 pound this week.  Nothing to brag about, but I'll take it!  I was also thinking that it might be time to re-evaluate my goal.  When I started this blog, I had set my little graphic on the right to go to 37 pounds. I'm currently about 11 1/2 pounds from that goal.  But, I don't see me stopping in 11 1/2 pounds.  I don't know, maybe I will, but I doubt it.  I guess we'll wait and see.

Things this past week went pretty well.  I met with my trainer twice.  I ended the last session with planks.  Now, every time I'd ever done planks before, I did them on my elbows and my toes.  Pretty respectable, I thought.  But, not this week.  This week I did them up on my hands.  The jury is still out as to which one I prefer.  I also did side planks up on my hands.  I'm not sure how it looked, but I felt pretty strong doing them.  Actually, I should rephrase that.  I didn't feel strong as my arms were shaking like jell-o.  But I felt like I "looked" strong!

I also reached a new personal best in rowing.  I rowed 500 meters in 1:40.  My best before that had been 1:44, so I was pretty happy with that.  I've got a friend that's pressing me to hit 1:39, so I guess that's something to work towards.  I hope everyone else had a great week!

Crying

I'm typically not a crier.  I never have been.  For whatever reason, I tend to
hold it in. However, when it comes to watching other people go through huge weight loss transformations, I tear up.

It started back when I started watching The Biggest Loser.   There's something about watching another person go through the emotional and physical struggle, and seeing them come through strong.  I don't know these people personally, but I can so identify with what they're going through.  And I cry.

I cry because I want that.  I want that "light bulb" moment when I know I'll never go back to my old habits.  I want that huge revelation when I figure out why I gained weight in the first place.  I want to know that I've conquered all my demons.  I want that confidence.  I want to get to the point where I feel like I can do anything.  I want to believe in myself as much as others seem to believe in me. But, I'm not there yet. I'm working on it.  I'm looking forward to it.  I'm just not there yet.  So I cry.

Selfishly, the tears are for myself.  They're my personal little pity party.  And, I think it's alright.  I think that wanting something so much that it brings me to tears will make it all that much sweeter when I get there.

Backsliding

Well, that didn't last long.  I was all kinds of excited to finally hit another 5 pound milestone.  However, I'm finding that so far this week, my weight seems to be up a bit.  Blech! I know that small gains here and there are fine, but I still don't like when they happen.  Especially when I've just hit a milestone that I am so proud of.  Oh well, it is what it is and I'll keep trudging forward.