Lose Yourself

I love music.  I have it on all the time.  It doesn't matter if I'm doing dishes, taking a shower, walking the dogs or simply waiting for my coffee to finish brewing.  I've always got music playing.  That love for music extends to workouts as well.  However, when I'm with my trainer, I don't have MY music playing.  In my opinion, it's rude to have my headphones in while I'm working with him, so I just get the music that's playing on the fitness floor. It's usually not anything that motivates me.  But, that's all changed...

The gym has most of its weight equipment upstairs where all the members have access to it.  However, it also has another room that's used by the athletic performance department.  It's a small room that's private.  Lots of  equipment, fairly soundproof.  It also has a dock that you can plug in your phone or iPod.  Fortunately for me, my trainer has access to that room, so we've been training down there for the last few weeks.  And, I love it!

So, we either plug in my iPhone or his iPod and we crank the music. Loud.  Today, one of the songs I have on this blog, Lose Yourself by Eminem, came on.  I'm not sure what it is about that song, but it is one of the best songs to work out to.  It could be the driving beat, it could be the lyrics, probably a little bit of both.  But, whatever it is, it makes me work.  I just get in the zone and keep going.  For those 4 minutes and 29 seconds, I'm a machine.  I'm focused.  Stopping is not an option.  Today was probably the hardest I've worked in a long time.  Thanks Eminem!

Taking A Break

I've been a bit "off" lately.  I've been at the gym at least 5 days a week for the last several months.  But for the last few weeks, I've had some things going on in my head that have had me distracted.  I've been there physically, but my mind has been a bit preoccupied.  Nothing major, just some comments I've been getting that are starting to bother me.  Anyway, my trainer has picked up on it.  I thought I was doing a good job of covering it and working past it, but I guess not.

So, I've been told to take a break.  Not a long break, but a break.  He doesn't want to see me in the gym tomorrow.  He doesn't want me to think about the gym tomorrow.  Shopping, manicure, massage... all suggestions that he gave.  It's become such a habit for me that it's going to feel strange to not go to the gym on a Wednesday morning.  But, he's seeing something.  So, taking a day off to re-focus is (literally) just what the trainer ordered. I'll be back at in on Thursday.

On a side note, I did something yesterday that I should have done a long time ago.  I took a "before" picture.  Admittedly, being 30 pounds in doesn't exactly equal "before", but it's a start.  My 20 year class reunion is in 9 weeks.  So, I took a picture of myself in the dress that I'm going to wear.  I plan on taking a picture once a week until the day of the reunion and hopefully I'll see a difference! If I ever figure out how to post pictures on here, I'll be sure to share!

Out Of Control

I'm in a bit of a slump right now.  Maybe not a slump, but definitely at a frustrating plateau.  I'm stuck just short of the 30 pound mark.  But, I think I've figured out why... I'm now 1/2 pound away from the weight I was when I left Weight Watchers.  Right before I gained it all back.  So, I think I have a bit of a mental block with that particular number.

After a few weeks of frustration, I finally talked to my trainer about it.  (At the point I talked to him, I was actually 1 pound away...) Anyway, his first question, of course, was how was I eating.  I'm eating fairly well.  He wanted to know if I was writing things down.  I told him that I'm tracking it online.  So, the next question was "Can I take a look at it?"  My answer was "no".  I trust him to talk to him about a lot of stuff, but I'm still a little uneasy about laying it all out there to be judged.  I should add that my head knows that he won't judge me, but my ego isn't quite sure yet.  Luckily, he knows me well enough to know that this wasn't something that could be pushed, so he dropped it.  Since I was definitely frustrated, and quite frankly, pissed off, we headed to the punching bag so I could work off my anger.

Fast forward a few days and I mention that I'm still 1/2 pound away from 30 pounds.  I didn't understand why at first, but he asked me how often I was weighing myself.  I just said that I did it way more than I should.  So, between training sessions, my homework was to put my scale in the closet and not step on it until our next session.  It's only 3 days, but I have to tell you, it feels like
an eternity.

The thinking is that I'm driving myself crazy stepping on the scale as much as I do.  I know I shouldn't, but I do.   I want to see the change in the number.  Good or bad, I want to know exactly how I'm doing all the time.  If I'm up even 1/4 pound, I want to be able to fix it.  I need to know every morning that I'm still on track.  I need to be rewarded every morning for having a good day the day before.  And, he's right, I was driving myself absolutely crazy!  But, without my scale, I feel like I have no control.  I feel like if I wait a few days, I won't be able to "right the ship".  So, to compensate for having no idea where I am right now, I've been adding extra cardio to my workout.  I figure that since I don't know if I broke that 30 pound mark or not, I'm going to do some extra work to make sure I do.  Truth be told, that was probably part of his plan.

However, tomorrow is the day.  I'm pulling that bad boy out of my closet before I go to bed tonight, so I can hop on tomorrow morning to see how I've done.  But, from what I've learned about myself over the past few days, I think it's going right back in the closet after that!

Week In Review

I have really been slacking on my posts lately.  I do promise to try and be better about it!  Anyway, I'm down another pound this week and slowly but surely inching my way to the 30 pound mark.  I'm super excited!

I feel like I need to explain a little about why I'm not blogging nearly as much.  It's a good reason, actually.  This blog started out as a way for me to vent.  A way for me to share my struggles and work through them.  A way for me to vocalize the insecurities I was having.  However, I'm not going through that anymore.  I'm not blogging as much because, for the first time in my life, I get it.

I'm no longer focused on losing a certain amount, I am focused on being healthy.  I'm no longer focused on being thin, I'm focused on being fit and strong.  I'm no longer struggling with insecurities with my trainer.   I no longer stress about having a bad day.  I'm just in a really good place right now and I don't need to vent any more.  I'll still be writing here from time to time, but for now, it's kind of served its purpose.  It was a great tool for me in the beginning, but I'm just not the person I was in the beginning.  And for that, I'm super excited, too!

An Aha Moment

I've been seriously debating whether or not to continue this blog.  Not because I don't enjoy it, because I do.  But, because I know who is reading here.  I know that you're all my Facebook friends, so you pretty much read everything there.  But, then a moment like yesterday happened.  It's something that really hit me, but not something I really want to share on Facebook.  So, for that reason alone, I'm going to keep blogging.  With that, let me share my "Aha" moment...

Last night my husband finally told me that he noticed my weight loss.  He noticed that my body was starting to change.  However, it was what he said next that got me thinking.  He said "soon you're going to be the skinny girl you were before we had kids."  He was right and wrong.

Yes, soon I'll be smaller.  But, I'll never be "skinny" again.  The reason I was skinny was because all I did was lose weight.  I did nothing to build muscle.  This time around, I'm not just dropping weight, I'm building muscle and transforming my body.  So no, I'll never be that skinny girl again.  I'll be the muscular, fit one!

Week In Review

I've really been slacking on my blogging duties lately.  I'll start with the business at hand and let you know that I was down a pound last week.  I've officially signed up for the Team Pounds Pool at the gym, so I now have 3 other people that are counting on me to lose weight consistently for the next 8 weeks.  We'll see how that goes...

On another note, I have a confession.  I am in love with Pinterest.  More over, I'm in love with all the motivational things you can find on there.  I've found so many examples of things to strive for.  Whether it's workout related, food related, or just plain believing in myself, with every "pin" I make, I'm striving to be that type of person.  Slowly but surely, it's happening.

Week In Review

Sorry if I'm a little late on my week in review.  I've actually been sick.  My little one was nice enough to share strep throat with me.  So, as you can imagine, I haven't felt up to doing much.

That's a good transition into my 1.4 pound loss last week.  I'm sure it has less to do with how I ate and worked out and much more to do with my lack of desire to eat over the weekend.  Whatever the reason, a loss is a loss and I'll take it.

Starting this week, I'm in another pounds pool at the gym.  This time it's actually a team of 4.  So, I'll have to report my weight once a week, along with my team members.  This adds a lot more pressure for me as I don't want to let down the rest of my team.  Hopefully I'll have some good numbers to add to our total in
8 weeks. I hope everyone has a great week!