Year In Review

A Very Happy New Year to Everyone!  Seeing as though it's January 1st, this is the perfect time to reflect on the events of the past year.  To begin with, I lost 15 pounds in 2012.  Not exactly the number I was hoping for.  In fact, I wrote a post back in June where I set a goal of being down to 150 pounds by today.  I'm not there.  As of today, and a few weeks of questionable choices, I'm not even close.  While I'm a little disappointed, I can't be that upset...

Although 2012 didn't bring near the weight loss I was hoping for, the mental work that I did the past year more than makes up for it. While 2011 seemed to be the year where I learned to trust others and trust the process I was involved in, 2012 became the year in which I learned more about myself and why I do what I do.

First, I began to learn to face my demons.  If something bothered me in the past, my typical reaction was to run away or quit.  I would simply remove myself from the uncomfortable situation and not go back.  It was a method that "worked" in the sense that I didn't have to deal with the situation.  But, it didn't work because I didn't deal with the situation.  A lot of my past demons came back to haunt me over the past year.  However, this time I faced them and worked through them.  2012 also became the year of "therapy".  Since I learned to trust my trainer in 2011, I put his psychology minor to work in 2012!  I was able to acknowledge when a circumstance happened that made me want to quit.  But, instead of quitting, I talked it out.  We had a lot of heart-to-heart conversations over the course of the past year and I'm still here.  I'm still going.  I'm still training.
I'm still here.

Over the past year I also finally acknowledged that I'm truly an emotional eater.  Whenever someone or something hurt me, I was sure that I could "punish" them by eating.  Now obviously that isn't the answer.  The only one who was being punished by the eating binge was me.  But now that I've been able to acknowledge it, I can stop myself before I start.

Probably the biggest thing I've learned this past year is to just trust the process. Don't get discouraged.  The weight loss has been painfully slow, but I'm still losing weight.  Even when it feels like nothing's happening, I keep going.  That's something that I've struggled with in the past.  But, I'm not letting it defeat me anymore.  I look to 2013 with a new sense of self.  I'm starting to have a confidence that I've never had before.  I think this might finally be the year that all the pieces fall together.  I can't wait!