Week In Review

I ended up gaining a pound this week. :-(  Not happy about it, but I'm over it.  I'm sure it's because I really was rotten about tracking my food.  Hopefully it will be a quick turn around and I'll be back down this week.

I feel like it's been a little while since I had a workout to write home about.  Well, today was one of them.  I always love when we leave the weight room and do something different.  Today we grabbed the boxing gloves and I hit the punching bag for a while.  We also grabbed a jump rope.  Something I haven't done in years!  I also got a break from the 70 pound kettle bell and just did good old, plain squats.  Those 3 activities, done one  after the other for 30 minutes.  Probably one of the best, most fun workouts I've had in a while!  I hope everyone has a great week!

Another Personal Best

We're still doing sprints in my rowing class.  Up until a couple weeks ago, my personal best time had been 1:44/500 meters.  Last week, I hit 1:40, and I felt like I hauled ass!  So, naturally, the next step is to break that time.  I wanted to hit 1:39.  Well, I didn't hit it yesterday.  I was really close, but couldn't quite get there.  I didn't hit it in the first 2 sprints today either.  But, I asked to do one more.  I was only 1 second off and it killed me.  So, I did another sprint.  And, I hit it!  1:39/500 meters.

Periodically I ask myself why I'm still blogging.  Some days I have something to say, but others I really don't.  However, today was the reason I'm still here.  I was able to go back and compare my personal best from a few months ago to see the progress I've made.  I could see, in black and white, in my own words, that my best today is 10 seconds faster than my best from a few months ago.  That's what will keep me going.

Invisible

As I do every Tuesday evening, I watched The Biggest Loser a couple days ago.  Like I've mentioned before, as much as I enjoy seeing the huge weight loss, I'm equally interested in the emotional hurdles they have to overcome.  This week's episode had a small segment about a contestant named Christine.

I had never really identified with her until this episode.  But, something she said just struck a nerve in me.  At one point she had locked herself in the bathroom, crying.  She wanted to go home because she couldn't do it any more.  That's not where I identified with her.  It was her conversation with her trainer, Bob, that hit home for me.  She had made a comment about spending the last 42 years being invisible.  She was comfortable with the walls she had built up and being invisible was comforting to her. However, through the coarse of her time on the ranch, her walls were being torn down by others.  She wasn't ready to let them down, but they came down nonetheless.

As someone who has struggled with weight for most of my life, I too was comfortable being invisible.  Meaning, if I have the choice to be in the front row or the back row, I'll choose the back.  In my classes at the gym, still, I choose the back row because the instructor can't see me as well.  Why?  I'm really not sure. I just feel "safer" that way.  If they can't see the effort I'm putting in, they can't be disappointed with what they're seeing.

But, when you're working with someone one on one, like a trainer, you can't blend in.  You can't choose the back row.  You don't have the option of being invisible. And, it's terrifying.  As I've discussed in earlier posts, the walls I had so nicely built up over the years, came crumbling down before my eyes.  The problem was... I wasn't ready for it.  If those walls had to come down, I wanted it to be in my time, with my rules.  But, it didn't work for me and it didn't work for Christine either. It's very scary.

However, it's necessary.  And looking back, I'm glad it happened for me.  Watching your walls crumble and allowing someone to focus on you can be a very scary thing.  But, once it's happened, what starts off as a breakdown quickly turns into a breakthrough.  I'm definitely rooting for her!

Stepping Back

I've been blessed with a lot of wonderful things in my life.  My knees are not one of them.  I've had knee problems since I was in 2nd or 3rd grade.  It never stopped me, but it sure has slowed me down.  I was the high school soccer player who constantly wore a knee brace.  The same goes for the intramural league I played in college.  Back in 2000 it all caught up to me and I had knee surgery.  The knee felt good for a long time.  And, when it didn't feel good, I modified what I was doing until it felt good again.  That's where I find myself lately.

I really enjoy my step class at the gym.  That's actually the first group class I took there.  I really like the instructor and have made some good friends in that class. My knee however, it's not as happy in that class.  The constant impact of the step has finally taken its toll.  I'm having shooting pains every time I step on the step.  So, I'm afraid it's time to stop stepping.

Luckily, there are lots of other things I can do that don't bother my knee at all... spinning, rowing, elliptical, walking the track. So, for the time being I'm going to become a permanent fixture in a lot more spinning classes.  Just like when I was a kid, this stupid knee might slow me down, but for now it's not stopping me!

Week In Review

Well, despite a rocky start, I ended up losing .4 pound this week.  Nothing to brag about, but I'll take it!  I was also thinking that it might be time to re-evaluate my goal.  When I started this blog, I had set my little graphic on the right to go to 37 pounds. I'm currently about 11 1/2 pounds from that goal.  But, I don't see me stopping in 11 1/2 pounds.  I don't know, maybe I will, but I doubt it.  I guess we'll wait and see.

Things this past week went pretty well.  I met with my trainer twice.  I ended the last session with planks.  Now, every time I'd ever done planks before, I did them on my elbows and my toes.  Pretty respectable, I thought.  But, not this week.  This week I did them up on my hands.  The jury is still out as to which one I prefer.  I also did side planks up on my hands.  I'm not sure how it looked, but I felt pretty strong doing them.  Actually, I should rephrase that.  I didn't feel strong as my arms were shaking like jell-o.  But I felt like I "looked" strong!

I also reached a new personal best in rowing.  I rowed 500 meters in 1:40.  My best before that had been 1:44, so I was pretty happy with that.  I've got a friend that's pressing me to hit 1:39, so I guess that's something to work towards.  I hope everyone else had a great week!

Crying

I'm typically not a crier.  I never have been.  For whatever reason, I tend to
hold it in. However, when it comes to watching other people go through huge weight loss transformations, I tear up.

It started back when I started watching The Biggest Loser.   There's something about watching another person go through the emotional and physical struggle, and seeing them come through strong.  I don't know these people personally, but I can so identify with what they're going through.  And I cry.

I cry because I want that.  I want that "light bulb" moment when I know I'll never go back to my old habits.  I want that huge revelation when I figure out why I gained weight in the first place.  I want to know that I've conquered all my demons.  I want that confidence.  I want to get to the point where I feel like I can do anything.  I want to believe in myself as much as others seem to believe in me. But, I'm not there yet. I'm working on it.  I'm looking forward to it.  I'm just not there yet.  So I cry.

Selfishly, the tears are for myself.  They're my personal little pity party.  And, I think it's alright.  I think that wanting something so much that it brings me to tears will make it all that much sweeter when I get there.

Backsliding

Well, that didn't last long.  I was all kinds of excited to finally hit another 5 pound milestone.  However, I'm finding that so far this week, my weight seems to be up a bit.  Blech! I know that small gains here and there are fine, but I still don't like when they happen.  Especially when I've just hit a milestone that I am so proud of.  Oh well, it is what it is and I'll keep trudging forward.

The Big 2-5

I did it!  I'm sure it had everything to do with being sick and not feeling like eating much.  But, I'm taking it none the less!  I am down 2.4 pounds this week to make it an even 25 pounds lost!  And, it feels great!

As I've mentioned many times, I've done this before.  I lost a lot more than that with Weight Watchers.  But, there's definitely a different feel to doing it on my own.  No shakes, no pills, no points.  Just good old fashioned hard work and making good food choices.  Bring on 30 pounds!

Getting Close

I'm starting to get really excited!

I'm getting close to another milestone.  I am only about a pound away from saying goodbye to 25 pounds!  I should add that I only update the slide on the right once a week, so you'll have to trust me on this! ;-)

Anyway, since I decided that I wasn't going to necessarily pick a "goal weight", I have been focusing on 5 pounds at a time.  I decided that with every 5 pounds, I'll see how I feel, how I look, and how much farther I want to go.  Now, I can tell you with 100% certainty that I won't be stopping at 25 pounds.  It's just a really exciting mark for me and I'm looking forward to getting there soon!

Just What I Thought

So, this morning with the trainer was pretty much what I thought it would be.  My body was jell-o half way through the workout.  I swear, I was doing this stuff on my own!  But, it never felt like this on my own.  Clearly, I work much better when I'm supervised!  I've got until Thursday for my muscles to calm down before I get to do it all over again!

Week In Review

This turned out to be a really good week!  I ended up being down .8 pounds.  But even better than that, I ended up losing 2.2 pounds in the Holiday Pounds Pool at the gym!

That 2.2 pounds is exciting for a couple reasons.  First, it means that I get my $10 back that it cost to join the pound pool!  But also, it's exciting because I had no idea how I was doing.  I had completely forgotten the weight that I weighed in at.  No idea.  Well, I take that back.  I had an idea where I was, but I was wrong.  In fact, when I weighed in on Friday morning, I was sure that I had maintained, which was still good.  But, it was a very pleasant surprise when she told me that I actually lost weight!

I'm also very excited because tomorrow is my first day back with my trainer since the first part of December.  Although I've been lifting weights the whole time, I expect that I'll get my butt kicked!  The work I put in on my own just doesn't compare to the work I put in when he's standing there.  I'm looking forward to getting back to it!  I hope you guys had a great week!

Strange Request

Alright, I've got a strange request that has absolutely nothing to do with weight loss and everything to do with curbing my curiosity.

I like to keep track of the hits I get on here to see if people are reading or not. However, the numbers I'm receiving aren't adding up at all.  It also appears that I've got quite a bit of traffic from what I can only assume is a spam site of some kind.  So, I'm going to ask a favor.

If you read this, will you please leave a small comment?  Nothing major, you can remain anonymous if you'd like.  I just really want to get an idea of how many people are actually reading and how many of the "hits" aren't really legitimate. Thanks. :-)

In keeping with the theme of the blog, I am happy to share that I am officially back with my trainer Monday morning.  As much as I tried to continue to lift weights on my own, it just isn't the same.  When I work by myself, I don't walk away from a workout feeling like my body is jell-o.  When I work with the trainer, I do.  I'm definitely looking forward to being pushed again.  I can't wait to see the results that will follow!

The Year In Review

Since it is January 2nd, 2012 (feels strange typing that!) I think it's fitting to turn my Week In Review into a Year In Review.  I can definitely say that 2011 brought ups and downs that I never expected.

To begin with, I thought I'd be done with my journey by now.  I started blogging in April or May I think, and I'm still not done.  I realize that losing weight takes time, but I am definitely going in slow mode.  However, over the course of the last year, I've learned to be o.k. with that.  I might be doing it slowly, but at least I'm doing it.

I started off being a food tracking fool, but I've kind of slacked at that over the last few weeks.  My food choices haven't been horrible, but it's definitely an area that I need to improve.  That being said, my food choices have definitely gotten better over the year.  Before I started blogging, it was pretty much a given that I would have one day of eating complete garbage, just to reward myself for a week of hard work.  However, over the course of the year, I haven't done that.  I haven't even wanted to do that.  To me, that marks some good progress in my thinking.

I guess the next big thing that happened over the last year was my new found dedication at the gym.  I was going about 3 days a week.  Now, I'm there 5 or 6 days a week.  The extra rowing classes offered have definitely made a difference in my attendance.  I also have been doing a little less of my Step class and a little more Spinning.  That's probably something that will carry over into this year.  I'm finding that Step is starting to  bother my knee a bit, so I might cut that down to once a week.

However, I think the biggest change this year was the addition of a trainer... and all that came along with that.  For starters, I worked myself harder, physically, than I ever have before.  I've seen muscles that I haven't seen  before.  I've gotten stronger and am able to do more now than I could when I started.  The mental stuff, that's what I didn't see coming...

I've had to address issues that I didn't want to address.  I've had to re-visit feelings that I didn't want to re-visit.  I've had to let my guard down when I didn't want to let it down.  I've had to step out of my comfort zone and trust someone else.  Now, since I haven't worked with him in a month, I haven't been dealing with any of this lately.  However, I'm starting my training again next week, so I imagine I'm not done dealing with this stuff.  Time will tell.

Overall, my journey over the last year has taught me a lot. I think I've come out of 2011 a lot stronger and more determined to finish what I started.  I've come out of 2011 realizing that putting up those walls didn't help me at all.  It was only after that wall came crashing down that I was able to start dealing with the reasons why it went up in the first place.  I still have a long way to go.  I still have more obstacles that are going to get in my way.  But, I'm ready.  Bring on 2012!