Crying

I'm typically not a crier.  I never have been.  For whatever reason, I tend to
hold it in. However, when it comes to watching other people go through huge weight loss transformations, I tear up.

It started back when I started watching The Biggest Loser.   There's something about watching another person go through the emotional and physical struggle, and seeing them come through strong.  I don't know these people personally, but I can so identify with what they're going through.  And I cry.

I cry because I want that.  I want that "light bulb" moment when I know I'll never go back to my old habits.  I want that huge revelation when I figure out why I gained weight in the first place.  I want to know that I've conquered all my demons.  I want that confidence.  I want to get to the point where I feel like I can do anything.  I want to believe in myself as much as others seem to believe in me. But, I'm not there yet. I'm working on it.  I'm looking forward to it.  I'm just not there yet.  So I cry.

Selfishly, the tears are for myself.  They're my personal little pity party.  And, I think it's alright.  I think that wanting something so much that it brings me to tears will make it all that much sweeter when I get there.