Invisible

As I do every Tuesday evening, I watched The Biggest Loser a couple days ago.  Like I've mentioned before, as much as I enjoy seeing the huge weight loss, I'm equally interested in the emotional hurdles they have to overcome.  This week's episode had a small segment about a contestant named Christine.

I had never really identified with her until this episode.  But, something she said just struck a nerve in me.  At one point she had locked herself in the bathroom, crying.  She wanted to go home because she couldn't do it any more.  That's not where I identified with her.  It was her conversation with her trainer, Bob, that hit home for me.  She had made a comment about spending the last 42 years being invisible.  She was comfortable with the walls she had built up and being invisible was comforting to her. However, through the coarse of her time on the ranch, her walls were being torn down by others.  She wasn't ready to let them down, but they came down nonetheless.

As someone who has struggled with weight for most of my life, I too was comfortable being invisible.  Meaning, if I have the choice to be in the front row or the back row, I'll choose the back.  In my classes at the gym, still, I choose the back row because the instructor can't see me as well.  Why?  I'm really not sure. I just feel "safer" that way.  If they can't see the effort I'm putting in, they can't be disappointed with what they're seeing.

But, when you're working with someone one on one, like a trainer, you can't blend in.  You can't choose the back row.  You don't have the option of being invisible. And, it's terrifying.  As I've discussed in earlier posts, the walls I had so nicely built up over the years, came crumbling down before my eyes.  The problem was... I wasn't ready for it.  If those walls had to come down, I wanted it to be in my time, with my rules.  But, it didn't work for me and it didn't work for Christine either. It's very scary.

However, it's necessary.  And looking back, I'm glad it happened for me.  Watching your walls crumble and allowing someone to focus on you can be a very scary thing.  But, once it's happened, what starts off as a breakdown quickly turns into a breakthrough.  I'm definitely rooting for her!