Cain't Say No

There's a song in the musical "Oklahoma" that's lyrics are...

"I'm jist a girl who cain't say no. I'm in a terrible fix! I always say "come on, let's go", Just when I orta say nix!"

Now, I'm not saying that I can't say no to anything, just ask my kids!  But, lately, when it comes to saying no to the foods I should stay away from, I'm having a very hard time.  I know that a little of of this or that isn't going to hurt anything. But, when a little bit turns into a lot and every once in a while turns into every day, it's going to have consequences.  And believe me, I'm seeing them.

I realize that gaining a pound last week isn't the end of the world.  But, I was really hoping to inspire others with this blog.  It feels as though it's turning into a manual of what NOT to do.  I'm not sure I'm helping anyone in this rut that I'm in.  I want to continue to be honest and to chronicle this journey, both the ups and downs, but I also want there to be more ups.  I want it to be more than just my personal "bitch fest" about the difficulties of losing weight.  Yes, it's difficult, but it can be done...  Just not the way I'm doing it right now.

I think this all means that I need to get back to basics.  There's a very helpful, free website ~ fitday.com ~ which I've been using for quite a while.  It helps me count calories and figure out how much I burn in a day.  Journaling what I'm eating and how much I'm burning helped me to lose the first 20 pounds.  Sadly, I've gotten away from journaling because, frankly, I was sick of doing it.  However, since I've gained back 3 of those 20, I clearly need to get back to it.

So, that's where I am.  I'm getting back to basics.  I'm going back to what works for me.  I'm taking charge of this train before it derails!

The Week In Review

Every night at dinner our family does "High/Low".  We talk about the day and tell each other the high point and the low point.  So, I'll be doing a high/low recap of the week...

High:  I got back to the gym 4 days this week.
High:  Had an impromptu dinner date with my husband last night.
High:  Had a nice dinner with some friends this week.
Low:  The girl on the weight loss slide to the right will be taking a step backwards,
            as I've gained a pound.
Low:  PMS

Overall, more highs than lows this week, so I'm alright with that.  And, as we all know, Mother Nature isn't always kind, so a one pound gain could have been much worse.  I hope everyone has had a great week and enjoys their weekend.

Feelin' The Burn

Due to my job, commitments at my kids' school, and being sick, it's been a long time since I made it to my Friday weights class.  I did go on Wednesday, but that is a different, less intense instructor.  I was actually nervous to go yesterday because I know how much tougher the Friday class can be.  For starters, it's an hour as opposed to 45 minutes.  I know 15 minutes doesn't sound like much, but that translates to a lot more squats, lunges and these ridiculous "burpee" things that we do!  (Not sure I could even explain a "burpee" but I'll try... You start standing up, then gradually walk your hands down until you're in push up position.  You do 2 push ups, then walk your hands backwards until you're standing up.  At that point you jump.  Then you do it all over again. Not sure how everyone else looks, but I don't think mine are pretty to watch! )

Anyway, after the first round of lunges, it was painfully obvious how long it had been since I'd been there.  I made it through round one, but knew that Friday is our 3 set day.  So, after pushing through the first set, I still had 2 more to look forward to!  But, I made it.  I survived.  And today, I'm feeling every bit of it!

One Step At A Time

A few posts ago I talked about not focusing on the end result and just taking it 5 pounds at a time.  Today I want to talk about how to approach losing weight in general.  At this point in my journey it doesn't feel like a daunting task.  I've already made several changes to my eating and exercise habits.  But, these changes have come with years of experience.  For someone who is facing this for the first time, it can be very overwhelming.  To think about having to change what you're eating,  add more exercise, count calories etc., it can almost be too much to take in.  So, my suggestion is to not do it all at once.

I found it very helpful to make changes one at a time.  If you can just change one thing a week, it makes it much more do-able.  I began with water.  According to mayoclinic.com, we need about 8 or 9 8 oz. cups a day.  http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/water/NU00283  (There are actually a lot of great facts about the benefits of water in that article!) So, for one week, I forced myself to drink 8 glasses of water a day.  I'll be honest, there were some days that I had to choke it down.  Some days I used coffee, iced tea, Diet Coke, anything liquid to count towards my total.  Even on those days, I made sure that at least 4 of my 8 glasses were straight water.  The second week it got a little easier.  The third even easier.  Now, it's second nature.  In fact, I drink enough water now that I stopped drinking pop all together about a year ago! 

After I got the water down, I focused on exercise.  With our busy lives, finding time to exercise can be an extremely difficult task.  So, for one week, I made myself find 20 minutes every day to exercise.  Incidentally, the more you exercise, the more water you want to drink, so it's a bonus!  Once you commit to finding the time you exercise, you'll find that you have more free time than you think.  Even if it's just doing jumping jacks during the commercial breaks of your favorite show, you can find the time.  Before joining the gym, I was the queen of the Richard Simmons videos.  Whatever works!  And just like the water challenge, eventually exercise will become second nature as well.

Instead of looking at the big picture and focusing on how far you have to go, focus on making one change at a time.  Even one change will make a difference!  And, reward yourself when you achieve a goal you've set.  If you manage to drink down 8 glasses of water a day for a week straight, treat yourself!  Go out and get a new pair of flip flops. (Only $2.50 at Old Navy!)  Go out get a new color of nail polish and paint your toes.  Do something nice for yourself.  It's amazing how far you can get on this journey if you just focus on one step at a time!

Rowing Update

I'm excited to update that I've added an additional 8600 meters (a little over 5 miles) to my rowing challenge.  That puts my total at 13,000 meters or 8 miles! 
I still have a little over 250,000 meters to go, but it's a start! 

As far as the eating for yesterday, the day started off good.  I went out to dinner with some girls last night, so it didn't end as well, but it wasn't horrible either.  A chicken sandwich ~ with some cheese, bacon, guacamole and lettuce ~ but a side of asparagus, so hopefully that evens out the sandwich a bit! :-) The martini might have put the calorie count over the top, but it was yummy and well worth it!  Today is a new day, no dinner with friends planned tonight.  I started it out with a good workout, so I'm looking forward to a great day!

Taking Off The Mask

I talk a lot about exercise.  I love to tell everyone how much I go to the gym.  I can talk forever about Spinning.  I can tell you right now that I attended my step class, followed by my weight lifting class today.  Or that I'll be adding more meters to my rowing challenge tomorrow.  Or that Friday mornings are my favorite because I love the spin class.  So far, I've never mentioned my eating. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why either.  I'm overly enthusiastic about working out to mask the fact that I'm really struggling with my diet. 

I know what to eat.  I know what I shouldn't eat as much.  I know that I need to burn more calories than I take in.  It's actually doing it that is my problem lately.  I can work out like a champ because I'm fairly good at it.  While I'd love to continue to rave on about my exercise regimen, we all know there are more facets to weight loss than just exercise.  That's the struggle I find myself in the last few months.  I've bounced in between these same few pounds for a long time now.  And, I'm sure my eating is to blame.  Knowing what to do and actually doing it are two different things.   

In my defense, we have had graduations, birthday parties, Mother's day, and several other celebrations where cake and baked goods were abundant.  Several of those were at my home, so the left over cake, cupcakes, and Rice Krispie treats never made it very far.  Add in baseball season and dinners at the ballpark, and it's a recipe for eating disaster!

Like I mentioned yesterday, I promised that I'd be honest with this blog.  And honestly, I'm struggling with this right now.  But, each day, each meal is an opportunity to do better.  So far so good today!  I'll keep you all posted!

I'm Not Fat

Today's post is probably going to make some people uncomfortable.  So, I apologize in advance if I step on anyone's toes.  The subject is something that I had struggled with for years, and I know a lot of others do too.  However, I've since "recovered" from it, so it's now a huge pet peeve of mine that I feel needs to be addressed.  Deep breath... Here we go...

If you would have asked me  15 years ago, I would have told you I was fat and gross.  Heck, even if you didn't ask me, I threw it into a conversation anyway. 

"If I wasn't so fat..." 
"If my stomach weren't so huge..."
"If my thighs weren't jiggly..." 
"My butt is way too big to fit..." 
"If I wasn't so heavy..." 

The list could go on and on.  And, almost without fail, whomever I was talking to would respond with "You're not fat..." "Your butt is fine..."  "Your thighs look great..."  I had great friends in college who would lift me up when I got down on myself.  But the self-criticism didn't stop.  I never missed an opportunity to let people know that I knew I was fat and didn't look good.  And my friends never missed the opportunity to tell me that it wasn't true.  I honestly didn't realize at the time how horrible it sounded and how sad it really was.  It wasn't until I lost my weight the first time that it all made sense.  I wish I could remember who helped me come to this realization, because I would give them total credit.  But, one day, I started looking at it from the other person's side.

It would bug the hell out of me if someone continued to tell me how fat my friend/family member was.  I definitely wouldn't keep my mouth shut! I'd defend them and tell the accusing person to shut their pie hole.  In essence, that's exactly the position in which we're putting our friends and family.  Honestly, what do we expect them to say when we're criticizing ourselves?  We want them to tell us how good we look.  When in fact what they should say is shut up and do something about it!  It's exhausting to constantly listen to someone criticize themselves.  All it really does is put our friends and family members in a very uncomfortable position.

It's taken me a long time to get to this point.  But, now that I have a daughter, I'm so glad that I'm here!  I don't want her growing up thinking that it's o.k. to constantly put herself down.  I want her to know that she's awesome no matter what.  I don't want her to depend on others to build her up.  I want her to be able to find her worth within herself.  And that's what I want for everyone who's reading this.  Stop the cycle of self-criticism.  Stop putting yourself down.  Start to realize that if you're not happy with your weight (or whatever it is), then do something about it! 

I'm stepping down off my soap box now.

Good Intentions

I promised myself when I started this blog that I was going to be honest.  I knew it wouldn't always be pretty, but it would always be real.  So, here comes a confession...

I skipped out of the gym and went to Panera this morning.  (Phew, I got that off my chest!)  Let me re-phrase that. I went to the gym.  I got there a little early, so a couple gals and I sat around talking until class started.  We  find out that our instructor wasn't there and that apparently it was 90 degrees in the aerobics studio.  We tried to join the Spin class, but there wasn't enough bikes for all of us.  So, we left to go to Panera.

I confess this for a couple of reasons.  First, things happen.  The opportunity to go to breakfast with a couple of friends doesn't come around every day, so we took it!  I had a hectic weekend filled with soccer, baseball, birthday parties, etc., so I welcomed some conversation with other adults.  Secondly, it's not the end of the world.  I can go out and not over do it.  I had a muffin and a coffee.  Trust me, it could have been much worse.  But, it wasn't.  We had a nice time and we all look forward to killing it when we get back to class on Wednesday!

The Week In Review

To start off, I have a confession.  With my being sick the end of last week and the beginning of this week, I can't tell you how much I've lost because I don't remember where I started!  I think it is around 5 pounds for the week, but let's be honest, my methods aren't exactly recommended!  However, I know where I'm starting today, so I can accurately keep track over the next week.  That leads me to point out the side of the blog.  I've added a health tip of the day as well as a weight loss slide to show a visual of where I am on my journey.  I promise to keep it accurate, even if the slide goes backwards from time to time, which I'm sure it will.  But, that's all part of this crazy ride I'm on.

I'm really looking forward to getting back to all my usual classes at the gym. While I slowly added the cardio classes this week, I've been slacking on my weight training.  So, by adding those back in, I'll be back to a well rounded workout.
I hope everyone else had a great week!

Spinning

Yesterday's post was devoted to my journey with the rowing machine.  However, I'd be doing everyone a huge dis-service if I didn't devote an entire post to my true love at the gym... spinning!  If you've never tried it, I highly recommend it for a number of reasons...

1.  The Music
Now, I'm aware that it varies by instructor.  However, in most classes I've attended, the music is loud, fast paced, and designed to get you pumped.  I'm also blessed to have a fun group of people who sing at the top of their lungs.  I fit right in!

2.  No Impact
I have horrible knees.  They've been bad since I was a kid and 8+ years of soccer certainly didn't help.  That being said, never once have my knees bothered me from spinning.  My butt, well that's another story, but that gets easier after the first few classes! ;-)

3.  No Coordination Needed
If you can ride a bike, you can spin!  As I've mentioned, I also attend a step class, which I enjoy.  But, you need to be coordinated to not trip over the step.  Or run into someone.  And, there's a routine which we've memorized, but everyone starts out not knowing what they're doing and ends up on the wrong side of the bench.  This is not the case with spinning.  To quote Queen, you just "get on your bikes and ride!"

4.  It's a Great Workout
I'm not afraid to admit that I'm a sweater.  I always have been.  It's not my finest feature, but it is what it is.  And in spinning, I sweat a lot!  What you see on television with the sweat dripping on the floor and towels covering the bikes, that's all true.  And the great thing is that you get out of it what you put into it.  If you want to work a little harder, crank up the resistance on the bike and pedal to your heart's content.  If you want to take it a little easier, lighten up the resistance and give yourself a little break.  You make it your own workout!

Now, I should warn you that you can't judge it by the first class.  My first time, between my butt and my legs, my lower half was jell-o. But I came back and did it again.  And again.  And after a few times, my butt didn't hurt and my legs were much stronger.  But, don't take my word for it.  If your gym or rec center offers a spin class, go try it.  You won't be sorry!

Row, Row, Row My Boat

I finally felt up to getting back to the gym today.  For some reason I had an extremely nervous stomach, but I managed to finish the class and row 4,400 meters.  That's a good thing because my gym has started a challenge to "Row the River".  We're rowing the length of the Kalamazoo River, which is 166 miles (slightly over 267,000 meters).  It sounds like a lot, but I'm up for the challenge!  It started on May 9th, but since I've been sick, I'm a week behind everyone.  I have typically been rowing in a group class once a week. However, if I'm going to finish this, I'm definitely going to have to step it up! My 4,400 meters translates to 2.7 miles.  So, if my calculations are right, at this rate I'm going to have to row 61 days to finish. There aren't 61 more Thursdays before it ends in August, so I need to add a day or two a week somewhere.  My goal is going to be to row 5,000 meters at a time to catch up. I'm excited to keep everyone updated on my progress!

I'll Take It Where I Can Get It

Well, I'm happy to report that I've lost 5 pounds over the last two days! However, I wouldn't recommend my method.  There's nothing like a stomach bug (or food poisoning) to jump start your weight loss efforts.  Today should be another day of loss since I don't see a lot of eating in my future. Unfortunately, today will also be another day away from the gym.  I'm really looking forward to feeling 100% so that I can get back to my workouts.  I'm really missing them!  When I start my day with a good workout, it makes the rest of the day so much better.  But, I know I need to give myself time to get the bug out of my system before I go back.  So,  like I said, I wouldn't recommend my method of weight loss, but I'll take it!  Let's just hope I can run with it from here!

Credit For Trying?

After a week long absence, I re-introduced myself to the gym this morning. Unfortunately, the meeting didn't go well.  I attend a Step class on Monday mornings, so I was anxious to get back to it.  You'd be surprised how much you miss if you're away for a week!  Anyway, I had to take my son to the doctor this morning, so I was about 15 minutes late to class.  I actually intended to just work out on my own and join Step again on Wednesday, but someone saw me poke my head in the door, so they were nice enough to point out some open space where I could put my step and join in.  So, I did.

I'm not sure if it was the lack of breakfast or something else, but after about 15 minutes I had to leave the aerobics studio before the contents of my stomach made an appearance on the floor.  I usually have a small breakfast before I work out, so I'm thinking that the lone piece of string cheese might not have been enough to sustain me.  After about 5 minutes I returned to class ~ with about 10 minutes left.  So, I finished up those last 10 minutes and decided I'd better not push it by trying to stay for the next class.  I got a grand total of about 20 minutes of exercise.  So today, I'm at least giving myself credit for trying!

Timing Is Everything

Well, if timing is everything, I'm in big trouble because my timing stinks!  I was so pumped when I decided to start this blog.  I meant every word I wrote. I had every intention of actually starting fresh and taking a huge step in my journey.  Then I got sick...

When you're unable to breathe without having a coughing fit, it makes it very difficult to work out.  While the spirit was certainly willing, the flesh (and my lungs for most of the time) were weak. Unfortunately, I was sick for 4 or 5 days, so I was a no-show at the gym.  The day I was finally feeling better and thought I might be able to make it, was the day that I had to make birthday treats and a cake for my son ~ all before the kids got home from school.  I got everything done with ZERO time to spare, so that hour at the gym simply wasn't an option.  At all.  Then there was his actual birthday, which was filled with cake, ice cream, and lots of other goodies.  This was not exactly the best week to have weight loss revolutions.

But, that's my life.  I have children who have birthdays and play sports.  They need to get schlepped around to practice and games.  I have to attend PTO meetings and help with homework.  They're going to get sick.  I'm going to get sick.  Stuff just happens.  These busy times are the times when it's really easy to just slack off. Unfortunately, this week I talked the talk, but wasn't able to walk the walk.  However, the beautiful thing is that it doesn't matter.  No matter what I did ~ or didn't do throughout the day ~ tomorrow is a new day.  When I wake up in the morning, I know that I can start fresh again.

And now that I'm feeling better, watch out gym, here I come!

Weight Is Just A Number

150.   For a long time I've had that number in my head.  At my age, and my height, I thought that was a reasonable goal weight. But then I got a call from a good friend.  She's a personal trainer, and has known me for over 15 years, so I take to heart a lot of what she says.

We talked about where I was right now and what brought me to start this blog in the first place.  We talked about working out, eating, plateaus, and the constant stepping on the scale.  But what got me the most was when we started talking about my goal.

Why that number?  Why was I so set on this number?  Being so far from that right now, the whole job just seemed daunting to her.  At first I told her that it didn't seem that bad to me.  I'd lost 55 pounds years before.  And, I've lost 17 lbs. so far, so I've already made a dent in my journey to get there.  It just didn't seem that overwhelming to me.

But then I got off the phone and really started thinking about it.  Maybe that number is unreasonable.  What if my body stops losing before I get there? What if I'm just not designed to stay at that weight?  Will I feel like a failure if I never reach it?  Maybe.  Then again, I might look and feel fabulous long before that!  Who knows?!  Then something clicked in my head.

I'm not aiming for that number any more.  I'm aiming for 5 pounds.  Every 5 pounds makes a big difference.  Every 5 pounds I'm going to re-evaluate how I look and how I feel.  I'm going to evaluate how my clothes fit and how my "guns" are looking. ;-)  Focusing on 5 pounds at a time isn't daunting at all!  And who knows, I may find that I feel and look terrific far before I reach that crazy number!

So, that's my challenge to myself, and to anyone who might be reading this. I'm done with that number.  My new goal will be based on how I look, how I'm eating, how I'm exercising, and how I feel.  It will no longer be based on that pesky number!

Starting Over... Again

Let me start by saying that I had a great weekend!  We celebrated a college graduation and had lots of fun time with family.  For me, that usually translates into eating way too much!  To be fair, no one shoved anything down my throat, so all of the over-eating that was done was totally me. Unfortunately, weekends tend to be like that for me.  I can be very dedicated and focused during the week, but it all tends to fall apart on Saturday and Sunday.  And sadly, I can manage to undo an entire week's worth of work in a short amount of time.  I find myself in that position again.

A few weeks ago I was on a team weight loss challenge at my gym.  I lost a total of 8 pounds for those 8 weeks and I was thrilled... so I celebrated!  By eating.  A lot.  Stupid thing to do, I know, and it's something that I definitely have to work through.  Sadly, 2 weeks of rewarding myself for my 8 pounds has resulted in gaining several of those back.  I'm not thrilled about it, but it is what it is and it's time to start over again.

Right now that seems to be my biggest struggle.  From so many years of Weight Watchers and having one weigh-in day a week, I was taking this journey one week at a time.  For most people, that probably isn't a big deal. But for me, it is.  If I've had one bad day out of the week, my week is ruined. Instead of starting over again the next day, I just chuck the entire week and say "screw it".  That's the mentality that has led to my series of gains more often than not.  Let me say that again... that's the mentality that has led to my series of gains more often than not!

So this week, I'm challenging myself (and anyone else who wants to join me.)  This week I'm taking it one day at a time.  A bad day won't ruin my entire week.  Bad days and bad decisions are going to happen.  But, I won't let that ruin the work that I've done.  So, starting now, I'm starting over.  Again!

I'm Exhausted

Since high school, I don't remember a time when I wasn't trying to lose a few pounds.  Whatever the fad diet of the time was, I tried it.  I ate the cabbage soup, I took the appetite suppressants, I read the books, I counted points, I did it.  And to some extent, I had success. However, after time I'd get bored  with the process and gain the weight back again.

To be fair, I did have success with Weight Watchers, so I definitely want to give credit where credit is due.  I lost 55 pounds before I became pregnant with my first child.  That being said, my two pregnancies were the happiest 18 months of my life.  Yes, I was thrilled to have my children... but, I was also thrilled to have a built-in excuse to not have to lose weight!  But once the babies were born, it was right back to weight loss mode.

Fast forward to today and why I'm stuck in a rut.  When it all comes down to it, I'm exhausted.  It's exhausting to do this for so many years.  It's exhausting to have every waking minute be focused on fat and calories.  It's exhausting to live your life chained to a scale.

But, it's also exhausting to worry every summer about whether or not your shorts from the previous year will fit.  It's exhausting to constantly shop for shoes and purses because you really don't want to try on clothes.  It's exhausting to pull out a dress for a special occasion only to have it be too tight.

Yes, I'm exhausted.  But, this is a battle that I will keep fighting!

Losing Weight Stinks!

Losing weight stinks! I should know because I've done it. A lot. Thanks to Weight Watchers, for a brief period of time ~at the age of 25~ I actually reached my weight loss goal! But, then I decided to have babies. And I turned 30. And I quit my job to stay home full time with my kids. My weight loss journey hasn't been the same since! That's what brought me to where I am today. As of right now, I've lost 17 of the 47 pounds that I'd like to lose. However, now I'm stuck. And, I'm guessing I'm not alone. I'm guessing there are lots of people who have lost their motivation. Lots of people who start out strong, but fizzle as time goes on. I'm hoping that by putting this "out there" it will not only help with my accountability, but also perhaps others will see some of themselves in my story and join me on this journey!